


The Night is Long (But Not With You)

by Darkhymns



Series: Colloyd Week 2020 [1]
Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffee, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Flashbacks, Insomnia, Late Night Conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24622027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: Even after Colette and Lloyd moved in together, her insomnia has always been her problem alone...but if she wasn't sleeping anyway, what was wrong with having just one more cup of coffee?
Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving
Series: Colloyd Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780570
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	The Night is Long (But Not With You)

**Author's Note:**

> For Colloyd Week, Day 1: Coffee Break! (Also happening on [twitter ](https://twitter.com/powblade)and [tumblr!](https://colloydweek.tumblr.com/)) Check out the rest of everyone's entries or join up! Something about this prompt made me want to do modern version of colloyd so here it is.

The first thing that they run out of is coffee.

“Ah man…” Lloyd complained. He shook one of the small cardboard boxes that held the little packages of ground coffee beans goodness, hoping he just happened to overlook a spare inside its confines. “I just bought some a few days ago.”

And it wasn’t for lack of searching. Their small apartment sometimes would have items overflowing from the pantries (with one hinge eventually breaking until Lloyd fixed it, which was faster than calling up the landlord) and among the assortment of beef jerky and dried fruit snacks, there would be the occasional coffee, rolling along the floor to then be snatched up by Lloyd before Noishe took it within his great jaws.

But groceries had been running low, and even with careful consumption, the instant coffee was the first to go.

“Well, we did have all those cups last night.” Colette giggled, putting the coffee pot back in its holder. There was a bit of melancholy in her action that she kept from her voice. “Sorry…”

“Don’t apologize, you dork. It was fun! I don’t think we went to bed until like…4 AM?” Lloyd grinned, then yawned so wide that his jaw cracked a bit from the strain. “Ow.”

Colette reached out to rub his cheek, maybe letting her fingers slip upwards to brush his hair back. “And now we slept in the whole morning too.”

“Eh, it’s Sunday anyway,” Lloyd said, though he yawned once again. “So it doesn’t really matter…” He leaned into her touch, eyes half-open. “But you finally went to sleep, didn’t you?”

The lie was ready on her tongue, but she still nodded first. “Yep!” She kept brushing at his hair, the fine strands tickling at her. “Still, if we had gotten up early, maybe we could have watched the sun rise together.” And she only said so because the sun had been so brilliant as its light painted against the window, Colette watching its slow arc as Lloyd snored away.

“Guess that would have been cool… We could go to the rooftop later? Door’s still usually unlocked.” The landlord had so far never come down on them for trespassing onto the building’s rooftop. So many times had Lloyd and Colette gone up there, sometimes having an impromptu picnic to where they could see even more of the stars, even through the light pollution that threatened to drown out the sky.

“Could even drink coffee up there…” And somehow those string of words got Lloyd blinking, made his eyes light up as if the very sun was rising inside his skull. “Oh! I’m so stupid. We should just go and get some!”

“Huh?” Colette mumbled, still gently patting his cheek.

“Yeah! Let’s just go buy it now! We can stock up on other stuff too!” Lloyd shifted from her hold. He was already going to a nearby cupboard next to the fridge, attempting to pull out a few of their recyclable bags. Last time, he had stuffed it in the back behind cans of sweetened corn and boxes of fizzy drinks, so he had to deal with the consequences. “Like ham and…uh, butter? We need butter too, don’t we?”

“Hm, that and maybe some cookies?” Colette may have been munching too much on sweets for the past few days, but the gingerbread ones with the double chocolate were so good! Sometimes she and Lloyd would play a game to get the last piece with rock-paper-scissors. (She won the last dozen times somehow). “But, aren’t you tired?” she asked with concern. “Especially since we were up so late.”

“It’s fine! If we go any later, they’ll probably run out! And we still need coffee…” Once he got out both bags he needed, Lloyd stood up straight, looking so proud at having retrieved them finally. “Don’t you miss the Lloyd Irving iced coffee special? I can make that when we come back!”

The memories of Lloyd getting himself drenched when he had attempted such a special (forgetting to close the top of the blender before turning it on) was overflowing and so warm. Colette giggled, then expertly moved towards him to take one of the bags from between his fingers.

“Should probably hurry then,” she said, holding back a yawn. Hopefully Lloyd hadn’t noticed. In her worry, she made a small joke, a mix of a lie and some truth. “Not worried about me being tired then?”

“Well, if you fall asleep, I’ll just carry you. Easy!” Lloyd said that so earnestly, she didn’t think he was joking. But seeing the defined muscles that his undershirt only barely covered, he could have probably done what he claimed to so easily.

“I’m gonna hold you to that then!” Colette said, finalizing it with a quick kiss on the cheek. His smile was all she saw as they got ready to head out.

* * *

It was just coffee after all, but it meant something to Colette – the scent of it filling the room, the warmth that seeped into her hands as she held her cup, with Lloyd’s fingers brushing against hers as he handed it to her.

Colette had long been used to sleepless nights. She would stay up and watch the patterns of the sky through the window. It wasn’t like she meant to, especially with things to do the next day, so early in the morning. But sometimes sleep just wouldn’t come, and staring out the window was better than looking towards the ceiling, waiting in vain to finally feel her eyes become heavy.

“Can’t sleep?” she would hear, and there would be Lloyd, looking blearily up at her from his side of the bed, hair so messy it made her want to sink against him.

Still, she couldn’t lie then, and would nod. “Sorry if I made any noise,” hoping she wouldn’t ruin his night, but already he was sitting up, already moving close to her as the dark continued to breathe out its loneliness.

“Did you try listening to really boring shows maybe?” Lloyd asked with a great yawn. “Like, Professor Raine’s lectures… should just record them and have them on repeat or something…”

“Oh, but they’re always really fascinating! Like the one about the Balacruf ruins that they just discovered last year, and the ancient scriptures carved into its walls. The Professor has been teaching me how to read it! They use a lot of wing imagery and-”

“Colette, I’m already falling asleep here..”

And still, she felt so bad, but Lloyd would never want to leave, even when he went nodding off. So, he started making coffee, to keep himself up. Soon she would want some too, and he’d always make her a cup as well. No sleep was coming anyway, so couldn’t they both enjoy this now?

But she’d never stop feeling guilty when Lloyd would eventually yawn and stretch, when his eyes would blink a little slowly, finding sleep for one moment…before snoring himself back awake again. She felt bad even as she giggled at that. _It’s okay,_ she would say. _You can go to bed, I’ll be fine._ But her soft denials only seemed to make Lloyd more awake, more determined to fix up even more of his own special brand of coffee; sometimes with ice, sometimes with whipped cream, and sometimes with a helpful heaping of sugar that would even be too sweet for him to taste-test.

“Don’t worry, Colette! I’ll stay up all night with you!” He would say as he jutted a thumb at his chest, nearly hitting his eye because of his fatigue. “I’ll start taping my eyelids open even!... Um…might need help with that.”

More laughter, more warmth from the cup she held. “But you’re working at Dirk’s tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“I’ll be fine. Didn’t I tell you about the time I helped carve a statue while I was asleep? I mean, I guess Dad wasn’t too happy about that.”

A soft smile from her, and then she would take a sip from her cup, that warmth filling her and chasing away the gulf that would sometimes stay lodged in her chest. “You know, I’m not sure it’s good to drink coffee this late…”

Lloyd yawned again, arm rubbing against his eyes. In the dark, he’d just wear an undershirt and boxers, the clothes hanging off him like the clinging ivy she would see at his childhood home. “Yeah…guess this isn’t really helping you.” Something close to shyness in his smile, which would always make her lean in closer, just so she could bask in it. “I just really like coffee.”

“Hehe, I do too!” She would lay her head against his shoulder, chasing all that coldness away. “It’s always so good how you make it.”

Colette knew she wasn’t worth staying up for, but she didn’t want to keep protesting, to keep complaining when things weren’t so bad. And she admitted to herself how, in fact, that she was just really selfish.

She only wanted to hear his voice, so late at night.

* * *

“Race ya there!” Lloyd was shouting behind to Colette as they hurried down the sidewalks, rushing out of the grocery store as they took what they could in limitation.

“But what if we drop the eggs?” she shouted back, laughing as she noticed the looks of passerby. They probably seemed weird together, didn’t they? They even wore matching red jackets, all buttoned up on the front. It had been chilly today so it only made sense!

“Oh right… After this, we should still have a race then!”

Both plastic and recyclable bags swayed from their arms as they definitely-not-raced towards home. The park nearby that cut through the winding streets for them was empty, but it was closed off due to construction, so they had to go down the long route instead. By the end, Colette was completely winded.

It was a miracle she hadn’t tripped once! Well, except for when she nearly tripped on the stairs as they had left the building this morning…but Lloyd had caught her back then so it didn’t count!

“Hey, uh, Lloyd?” she asked, as they finally made it to the entrance of their building. The collar of the jacket half-covered her mouth, making her feel warm! But it was hard to speak clearly through it sometimes... “Why did we buy the doggy toys for Noishe though? Isn’t he staying with Dirk?”

Lloyd turned to her as he opened the door, the hinges creaking. Even as his own collar covered his mouth, she could tell that he was grinning by the lift of his cheeks, the happy glint in his eyes. “It’s for when he comes back! Dad only has his old stuff back at home… Or we could do facetime and show it to him!”

“Oh, right!” Colette agreed. She loved the big dog, but the open space of Dirk’s home in the countryside was sometimes better for the animal. Still, she missed pressing her face in all that fur!

Once they got inside the apartment, still struggling with their many bags, Lloyd practically collapsed on the kitchen floor (but was careful not to crush the warned-for eggs that he carried in one bag). He pushed the collar away from his mouth so that he could breathe more. “Gah…man, I’m beat.”

Colette fared a little better, only buckling down to her knees, her hands still gripping tightly to the bag handles. She quickly unbuttoned the red jacket, its material so shiny and bright, then sighed as she relaxed. “But…we made it!”

And Lloyd hadn’t seemed too tired either during their trip. That was one worry off her shoulders.

“Heh, yeah…” Lloyd sat up then, looking so full of pride. “We got everything we needed!”

That statement somehow made Colette pause, made her think. A soft hum left her, one that Lloyd noticed.

“What is it?”

“Lloyd, um… did we remember to buy the coffee actually?”

Silence. Lloyd stared, as if she had sprouted wings and was ready to fly away. Then, slowly, he laid back down on the hardwood floors.

“Goddammit.”

* * *

Ever since Lloyd had started staying up with Colette, the nights hadn’t really been the same. And in her selfishness, she was grateful for that.

For one thing, Lloyd would always try to put a different twist to their coffee!

It was during one such night, when she had somehow fallen asleep before midnight, Lloyd already staying up with her till then. But the dream she just woke from had been so wide and empty, like she was stuck with no voice to speak, no texture to feel, and watching her own self through a cracked mirror. When she woke, the night was once again so long and endless, and Lloyd was no longer sitting at her bedside. She got up, leaving their room to head for the kitchen, trying to hide away the soft panic that teetered at the edge of mind.

And there was Lloyd was at the stove, boiling something in a pot. She only caught a glance… Was it beans? But that didn’t seem right. “Are you cooking?”

Lloyd had turned to her with a grin, bags under his eyes that were so bright with energy. “Hey, Colette! Check it! I’m making boba!”

Colette widened her eyes, then looked to the pot with even more interest. “Oh! For bubble tea?” The little pearls boiled within, and she remembered the shops they would visit so frequently, sharing a straw between them. “When did you learn how to make them?”

“I just saw it online somewhere. But I was thinking like… I could put this and the coffee together! You can mix coffee with anything, you know?”

“Ah, so like coffee milk tea?” Colette moved closer, so fascinated. “What flavor did you get? Honey? And did you get any of the green jelly we would usually have?” She tapped a finger against her chin, imagining all the possibilities. “Maybe even whipped cream…”

Lloyd blinked, looking back down at the pot. “Uh…I only thought as far ahead as boba…And I think it’s regular flavored?”

“Oh! That’s good though!” She stood on her tiptoes, excitement clear in the way she bounced, just behind Lloyd’s shoulder. She grinned. “What about cheese foam?”

“I don’t know how to make that!” Lloyd said. “Like…do I just put cheese in it?” He kept stirring the pot. “I’m not sure that would be good…”

“I was joking!” she said with a poke of her tongue.

“I can’t tell when I’m sleepy!” Lloyd was pouting, but he was reaching for a mug. Colette saw that it was already filled with coffee, hearing the clacking of ice cubes inside it. “Oh shoot, maybe I was supposed to put the boba in first….Damn, I was definitely supposed to do that first.”

“We can drink it from the top,” Colette suggested helpfully. “It’ll still be good!”

“Argh, but that’s not how it works!” And there was probably an easy solution to all of this, but Lloyd just stared at the boba in the pot, to the coffee in his hand…then upturned the mug into the pot so that coffee was sloshing all around the heated boba.

Colette was stunned! “Oh! But what about the ice?”

Lloyd stared. “…I completely forgot about the ice.”

Genis would often comment how Lloyd and Colette seemed to sometimes share one brain cell (Colette didn’t totally understand the joke while Lloyd would always seem to get huffy about it each time), but this was where she was…beginning to understand it a bit. She was still a bit woozy from her strange dream, and Lloyd had at one point actually fallen asleep standing up before she had to shake him awake so that he wouldn’t fall over on the stove. She really was being nothing but trouble to him.

They ended up with two mugs, half-filled with too much boba and topped off with some whipped cream Lloyd had found in the back of their freezer. (“Expiration date is still good!”)

Colette had been smiling the entire time, watching as Lloyd was still fixing up their drinks and handing her own mug with that infectious smile. He would keep making her fun coffee treats for many nights after – some with just whipped cream, some with caramel, or with cinnamon spice that would send a rush of hot nerves down her throat – and he would still do it with so much energy, riddled with just a few yawns, that she’d feel both guilt and happiness in one odd mixture.

They had sat together on the couch afterwards, bundled up in blankets as the heating had went out hours ago. The coffee that she sipped was lukewarm, and the boba was a bit mushy. Yet it still sent bursts of warmth through her, like sunbursts all around her body, to let her know that the morning was never too far away.

Lloyd was leaning against her, so close that his hair brushed against her cheek. “What woke you up before? I thought you’d gotten to sleep…”

“Ah, just a dream,” she said dismissively, preoccupied with drinking the coffee. She then raised her head up at him with a smile. “It’s really good.”

Lloyd would once again fall asleep next to her, but before he did, he gave a soft laugh, still gripping on his own mug – carved from wood, something he had made in a shop class all the way back in high school. “Colette…you should tell me things sometimes, you know?”

She had nothing to say to that, but still she missed his voice when he nodded off, the edges of the sky outside tinged with pink and violet.

* * *

Colette had been struggling with insomnia for most of her life. But it was just something she had to deal with. Not like it was that big of a problem anyway. In fact, she knew she was luckier than most people in the world. She shouldn’t even have to complain.

Besides, it helped when she would have sleepovers with her friends! Back home, she could stay up with Genis and Lloyd when they would watch old reruns of cartoons way past midnight, or scarf down ice cream when two bowlfuls wasn’t enough. She could soak up every minute with them, etch them deep into memory while she ignored the slow ticking of the analog clock on Lloyd’s dresser.

And then the night would crawl in, and the silence would spread all around her. It was easier on those sleepovers, when she would hear Lloyd’s snores from his bed above, and Genis shuffling in his blankets on the hard floorboards. Even the soft huffs of Noishe, nose buried in his tail, was part of that background that she held onto.

Someone had once told her she could count the stars to help her sleep, but it would always be too close to morning, or even past that, before she could finally do so.

After putting away their groceries, the hours were already whipping past her. She could see the pull on Lloyd’s limbs as he tried to stay awake (he had nearly dropped the eggs), and the guilt came flooding back.

This time, tonight, she would let Lloyd sleep. She could deal with this on her own.

And then the night came, and always by then, the fast hours of the day would slow. Like walking through wet sand, watching the patterns in the sky until she felt she had seen each one and could find nothing new anymore. At some point, she must have fooled herself into rest, but once again was awake, the soft dread building in her stomach.

The curtains were pulled from their bedroom window, the stars just barely peeking through the black. Colette sat up, and as she pulled on the blankets, she noticed Lloyd’s absence then. Yet she still felt some heat from his side of the bed…

That was when Lloyd rushed right into their room. He seemed to try to be quiet at first, until he saw her sitting up. The excitement on his face sparked so brightly, like another sun. “Colette! You won’t guess what I found.”

And before waiting for her answer, he held up a pair of those coffee packages in his left hand. “I can make you some coffee!”

Colette blinked. Though a part of her was chastising herself, _Let him sleep. He’s always up for you,_ she had to ask, “Where was it?”

“Behind my work tools! I forgot I like to keep spares over there.” Lloyd paused, then looked at said coffee pack slowly. “I’m not really sure why I keep it there though…”

She wanted to tell him he didn’t need to do this. _Go to sleep. You’re so tired._ But she was so greedy for his voice then, as she always was.

“So, want some coffee?” he asked, and wouldn’t it be crueler of her to say no to such a smile?

* * *

In that one sleepover, Lloyd had wandered out into the balcony, catching Colette standing outside in her bare feet, head upturned to count the stars.

“Colette? You’re still up?”

She turned, cheeks flushed, though one hand remained gripping onto the banister. “S-sorry. I… I can’t sleep.”

Lloyd rubbed one eye with the heel of his hand. At 15, it was just then she noticed more about him, the way his eyes caught the light, the way his hair would so easily lose control if he didn’t fix it. It was upturned in so many directions from his pillow, she had to keep herself from giggling.

“If you wanted to stay up, you could have just told me.”

“Ah…but aren’t you tired?”

Lloyd went up to her, hands reaching for the banister to lean on it, right alongside her. The wood creaked underneath both their weight, but it was sturdy, even if it would give her a few splinters now and again. Did Lloyd get plenty of those too?

“I can stay up. The stars look better at this time anyway.” He smiled at her, despite the bags underneath his eyes. “Is it okay if I stay up with you?”

It was hard to not want this, time and time again.

* * *

The clock read 3 A.M. Her body felt fatigued, her head a little hazy, but still, she couldn’t sleep.

“Maybe you should keep a coffee pot next to your tools too,” she teased, holding her own mug in her hand. White porcelain, a gift from her grandmother. There was a small, jagged crack on its side that Lloyd had patched up quickly. Even with her own treasures, she could never be careful enough.

“I’d probably just forget where I’d put _that_ too,” he mumbled, before sitting with her on the bed. The coffee was a bit hotter this time, Lloyd dipping a pair of ice cubes in each to help cool down just enough. “So, is it okay?”

She had already sipped her share, taking any lost drips on her lips with a quick lap of her tongue. “It’s the best!”

Lloyd puffed his chest with pride. “It’s because it’s the Irving Iced Special! Just, uh, mostly hot this time.”

“Hehe, yeah.” She took another longer sip, the ice cubes already half-melted, leaving her with cream and sweetness.

And as she did she so, she noticed Lloyd was watching her. The mug was steaming hot in his hands, the heat felt through the wooden exterior. He was smiling at her, even though it looke he would fall asleep at any second.

“Lloyd?” she asked him, all curious eyes. “You sure you don’t want to go to bed?”

“…Not yet.” He held the cup tightly in his hands. “I wanna stay up with you.”

“But…” Maybe here, she could do the right thing, even if the night was still so long up ahead. “I don’t want you getting tired because of me. And…” She brushed a finger against the rim of her cup. “Isn’t it dangerous to be tired in your work?”

Because Lloyd would work with so many tools; sharp and massive, to spanners to welding machines, to even a simple carving knife that would take so much precision. She’d catch the whiff of sawdust when he’d come home, the wood chips that would sometimes get caught onto his hair. If he had ever hurt himself because of how he’d tend to her during her insomnia, she didn’t think she could ever forgive herself. She couldn’t, she couldn’t.

“I’m taking the week off,” Lloyd said, making her raise her eyes to him.

“Huh? …Why?”

“Because I want to!” Lloyd and his sleepy grin, and the way he leaned over her the way he would always do when he came home, giving her a kiss that sent sparks across her lips, as if each time was the first. “I thought it’d be cool to take a break, and dad said it was okay anyway. I’m supposed to work on the jewelry when I get back and he says that’s going to be the hardest for me for some reason…”

“Mm, but you made that necklace for me. Back in school?” She stared into her mug, remembering where that same necklace lay in her room, tucked away in a box. “I thought it looked good.”

“Heh, maybe…” He leaned against her, giving a long sigh. The scent of him overrode the coffee, made her huddle ever closer to him. “Just don’t worry about tomorrow, or the day after that.”

Another curiosity. Colette didn’t take another sip, or she would run out. This was their last cup after all.

“When I need to sleep next week, then I will. Just…I wanted to be with you. You don’t have to deal with this alone all the time.”

The night was so deep. One could maybe hear the sounds of people outside, but somehow the loneliness would stretch even closer to her still. “This is just a lot of trouble, isn’t it?”

A tap on her shoulder. She turned to see. Then she was met instantly with a flick of his fingers against her forehead.

“Ah!” she gasped in surprise.

“Colette, if I keep wanting to do this with you, you should know I don’t think that, right? That I want to be with you, like I said?” He sighed, then kissed the same place he had just flicked. “You can be so dense sometimes.”

She might have cried if she let herself. There were other times she did, when she’d be up and find a few stray tears. Though Lloyd couldn’t hold her hand now, he nuzzled against her cheek, making a pillow out of her hair.

“The coffee…is really, _really_ good,” she told him, pressing against his side. “You always make it so good.”

“Heh, I know,” he said, yawning again before shaking his head to rid himself of the sleep. “We can buy some tomorrow…I’ll remember.”

“I can write us a list this time,” she said. “Coffee…and maybe more cookies…and a doggy toy for Noishe?”

“Yeah…but not the squeaky ones. He gets scared of those.”

“Oh, right! I’ll make sure. Maybe some bows for Noishe’s ears, to hold up all that fur!”

“Colette, you know he’d never wear it…”

The nights were usually so long, because the stars felt so far and the night so deep. But when she looked back to the clock, already an hour passed. The weight on her shoulder was heavier, but it wasn’t her own foolishness this time.

“…Lloyd?”

Colette turned, finding Lloyd having fallen asleep as he sat next to her on the bed. His head was slightly tilted downwards, and he still held the cup between his hands, though they were loosening by the second. She quickly reached out to take it, his soft snores tickling her ear as she leaned in.

She once had seen Lloyd fall asleep standing up, so this was no surprise to her. It made her smile, even as she felt no less awake than she had been hours ago. It was okay. Eventually, she would catch up with him.

Some nights were deep and long and so dark. But the warmth of the coffee he made still made her feel so content.

Placing both their mugs on the nightstand, Colette pulled Lloyd to their bed. He always did look cute when he was sleeping.

“…Goodnight, Lloyd,” she said, kissing his ear and curling up with him. Through his disheveled hair, she saw the stars through the window, their shine peeking through the inky blackness. She counted them, waiting and waiting.

Until she fell asleep too.


End file.
